Rise of the Slippery Sea Monster Read online

  For my crew of scurvy scallywags:

  Lisa, Herbie & Autumn – GPJ

  To David. Cheers for all the years x – FAD

  Dedication

  Meet the Steampunk Pirates

  CHAPTER 1

  CHAPTER 2

  CHAPTER 3

  CHAPTER 4

  CHAPTER 5

  CHAPTER 6

  CHAPTER 7

  CHAPTER 8

  CHAPTER 9

  CHAPTER 10

  CHAPTER 11

  CHAPTER 12

  CHAPTER 13

  CHAPTER 14

  Extract from ‘The Leaky Battery Sets Saif’

  About the Author

  Copyright

  It had been another successful raid for the Steampunk Pirates. They had boarded the transporter ship and forced the sailors to their knees with their hands behind their heads.

  Gadge used the bayonet attachment on his left arm to push the ship’s commander to the tip of an extremely wobbly plank.

  First Mate Mainspring emerged from the hold with a large wooden chest.

  “What cargo have we here then?” asked Captain Clockheart.

  “Click, it’s heavy enough. Tick, whatever it is.” The clockwork first mate dropped the chest.

  “Put that chest back, you copper-bottomed cads,” cried the ship’s commander.

  “Copper bottomed? These backsides be made of iron. Ain’t that so, Lexi?” Captain Clockheart slapped Quartermaster Lexi’s behind.

  “We are indeed made from iron, yes,” said Lexi primly. “And please don’t do that, Captain.”

  “I don’t care what you’re made of, you metal menaces! I order you to return that chest,” yelled the commander.

  “Following orders ain’t exactly one of our strong points, laddie.” Gadge stamped his foot on the plank. The other pirates howled with laughter as the commander tried to keep his balance.

  Captain Clockheart prised the chest open with his cutlass. “Ah, pump my pistons! A chest full of golden delights!”

  “This should help considerably in our quest to replace our rusting parts,” said Lexi.

  “That gold does not belong to you,” protested the commander.

  “Click, it does now,” said First Mate Mainspring. “Tick, Mr Pumps, Loose-screw, Tin-pot Paddy and Rust-knuckles. Tock, load this gold on to the Leaky Battery.”

  Quartermaster Lexi lifted out one of the gold bars to examine it. “Mmm, yes. Eighteen carat.” He sniffed it. “Freshly mined from the west coast of America.”

  “You can get all that from the smell, Lexi?” asked Pendle, the cabin boy.1

  “No, the details are printed on each bar,” admitted Lexi. “There’s a royal stamp, too.”

  “Royal gold! Royal gold!” Twitter, the mechanical parrot, squawked.

  “Precisely,” said the commander. “This gold belongs to the King of England.”

  “So do we according to our ‘Wanted’ poster. We be worth four thousand pounds now.” Captain Clockheart beat his chest proudly, making the hand on the clock in the centre of his chest spin twice as fast. “It warms the lumps of coal in me belly to feel wanted, so it does. Now, back to our ship, Steampunk Pirates! We have some celebrating to do.”

  “Celebrating?” exclaimed the commander. “How can machines celebrate?”

  “The same way as you do,” said Captain Clockheart. “With songs, laughter, food and liquid.”

  “What do you eat and drink?” the commander asked.

  “We consume the four main food groups, of course,” said Lexi. “Coal, wood, oil and water.”

  Talking of water…” Gadge fired a grappling hook at a high crossbeam on the Leaky Battery and swung back to the ship, knocking the commander into the ocean with a huge SPLASH! The rest of the pirates gave a rousing HURRAH!

  “You scrap-metal scalliwags,” spluttered the commander, when he bobbed up to the surface. “You dare steal from the King of England? This is treason. Treason, I say!”

  “Treason…” Lexi’s word-wheel spun round until it reached the definition of the word. “The betrayal of one’s country.”

  “You call it treason, we call it freedom.” Captain Clockheart picked up a large silver tankard. “Now, lads, it’s time to fill our hold with gold, our sails with wind and our cups with oil. All hail the Steampunk Pirates!”

  1 If you are a newcomer to this most excellent series, you should know that Pendle the cabin boy is, in fact, a girl. Also, where on earth have you been?

  Propelled by its full sails and its pumping steam engine, the Leaky Battery cut through the clear blue ocean at high speed. The crew sang and laughed as they took the gold down to the hold, while Lexi counted each bar and jotted down the total on a piece of parchment.

  Captain Clockheart picked up a bar and admired it. “How much do you reckon we have then?” he asked.

  “Almost a quarter of a ton, I believe.”

  “Och, that’s good,” said Gadge. “I’ve got some seriously rusty bits that need replacing.”

  “Once it’s been divided up, we should have at least enough for a new hand each,” replied Lexi. “Maybe even a whole arm.”

  First Mate Mainspring lowered his voice. “Click, why should we split it evenly? Tick, we’re the officers. Tock, we’re more important than the crew.”

  “Now, Mainspring, you know that’s not how we do things on this ship,” said Captain Clockheart. “We officers may have more complex workings, but every pirate on this ship was created equal. From Old Tinder down in the kitchen to Blower up in the crow’s nest, everyone has earned his fair share of that loot, whether they’re clockwork, steam-powered or flesh and bone.”

  “All equal!” squawked Twitter, flying around their heads. “All equal!”

  “Click, equal? Tick, my clockwork innards make me superior to you coal-munching machines. Tock, especially you, you feather-brained bird.”

  Twitter swooped to avoid being hit by Mainspring’s cutlass.

  Captain Clockheart laughed and took a swig from the tankard Pendle handed him. “Eurgh.” He spat out the contents. “Pendle, there are bits in this oil.”

  “Sorry. I’ll get it filtered,” said Pendle.

  “Good lad. Also, that kindling you brought me for breakfast was damp.”

  “Sorry, Captain.”

  “Damp kindling makes me awful gassy.” He demonstrated with a long burp and a jet of steam came from his mouth.

  “It won’t happen again, Captain.”

  Captain Clockheart patted Pendle on the head and said, “Now, let’s get the coal burning, the wood chipping and the night oil bubbling… This evening we shall party like it’s 1899.”

  “Click, these celebrations,” said Mainspring. “Tick, are a total waste of time. Tock, when I’m captain—”

  “Ah, Mainspring.” Captain Clockheart placed an arm around his first mate’s shoulder. “Has anyone ever told you that you’re too uptight? You want to unwind a little.” He whacked the key on Mainspring’s back, making it spin round.

  “Click, get your hands off me,” muttered Mainspring. “Tick, if I was captain, tock, I’d make sure officers got what they deserved.”

  “Yes, but you’re not the captain, are you?” Captain Clockheart gripped Mainspring’s arms. “That would be me.”

  Mainspring shook himself free. “Click, I hope you drink so much oil. Tick, that you slide off the ship. Tock, and sink like a lead weight.”

  “Ah, be off with you, you prickly old pocket watch!” Captain Clockheart replied. “Go and sulk down below if you’re going to be a party pooper. Now, how about a song to kick off this celebration?”

  Gadge threw back his head and sang at the top of his voice:
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  The party went on late and Pendle spent the whole night refilling tankards of oil, collecting piles of wood and sweeping up ash, until finally she fell asleep in the middle of a large coil of rope.

  When she awoke, she rubbed her bleary eyes, got up and tucked her hair back into her cap. Washer Williams and Blind Bob Bolt were the only pirates still awake. They were singing a shanty, although neither of them could remember the words:

  Pendle headed below deck to find a mop. There were pirates all over the place, snoring, snuffling and snorting in their sleep.

  Twitter landed on Pendle’s shoulder. “Lazy lot!” he squawked. “Lazy lot!”

  “Leave them,” said Pendle. “They deserve to let off steam after such a successful raid.”

  Pendle noticed that the door to the cabin where the treasure had been stored was knocking against its frame. She grabbed the handle to shut it and felt a cold breeze. Peering in, she saw that a perfectly circular hole had been cut in the side of the ship. The sun was shining through it and water was splashing in.

  “Where’s the treasure?” gasped Pendle.

  “Gold has gone!” squawked Twitter. “Gold has gone!”

  “But how? What’s happened?”

  “Foul play! Foul play!” replied Twitter.

  “I’d better tell the captain at once,” said Pendle. “Twitter, wake everyone up. NOW!”

  Twitter flew out through the hole in the side of the ship and up to the deck, swooping and looping as he announced the news at the top of his voice.

  “Wake up! Wake up! We’ve been robbed! We’ve been robbed!”

  Captain Clockheart was the first to join Pendle in the hold but, with Twitter spreading the news, a number of bleary-eyed pirates were soon gathered in the doorway.

  “Well, shiver me tin chin and polish me ten toes.” Captain Clockheart placed a hand on the edge of the hole in the ship’s side.

  He wiped the sea spray from his face. “What’s happened here then?”

  “I can’t understand it,” said Pendle.

  “Click, make way. Tick, officers coming through. Tock, out of the way, you useless lot of deck scrubbers.” Mainspring, Lexi and Gadge entered the cabin.

  Gadge flicked out his magnifying-glass attachment to examine the hole. “Looks like something has cut straight through,” he said.

  “Perhaps Blower saw something,” said Lexi. “He was on lookout all night.”

  “I’ll ask him,” said Pendle, and she raced off.

  “Click, this is your fault, Clockheart,” said Mainspring. “Tick, for letting your guard down. Tock, and spending all night celebrating.”

  “A celebration that you did not attend.” Captain Clockheart turned to face the clockwork pirate. “Which puts you under suspicion, so I say.”

  “Click, me? Tick, how dare you? Tock, it wasn’t me.”

  “Mainspring, main suspect!” squawked Twitter. “Mainspring, main suspect!”

  “He did admit to being fed up of sharing the loot,” added Gadge.

  “Greedy schemer!” added Twitter. “Greedy schemer!”

  Pendle rushed back into the cabin and caught her breath. “Blower says that no ship came near all night.”

  “So he didn’t see what happened?” asked Lexi.

  “No, but you can’t see this part of the ship from the crow’s nest because of the sails.”

  “Ha, then it must have been one of us.” The captain’s clock hand span faster and steam shot out of his ears. “Mainspring, you’ve got some explaining to do.”

  “Click, you can’t just accuse me. Tick, you need evidence. Tock, and you don’t have any.”

  “Evidence…” Lexi’s word-wheel turned and clicked into place. “Proof that the accused committed the crime.”

  “Mainspring is right, Captain,” said Pendle. “If you really think he is behind this, you need to conduct a fair trial.”

  “A fair trial…” said Lexi. “A formal hearing in front of a jury.”

  “Yes,” said Pendle. “Then Mainspring can defend himself properly. The crew can act as jury.”

  “What do you say, lads? Shall we have ourselves a fair trial to convict Mainspring?” Captain Clockheart asked.

  The crew cheered and Twitter squawked, “Fair trial! Fair trial! Convict Mainspring! Convict Mainspring!”

  Soon the entire crew had gathered up top and Captain Clockheart stood on the poop deck looking down at them. When Quartermaster Lexi led First Mate Mainspring up to his position beside the captain, the crew jeered “Thief!”, “Convict!” and “Gold stealer!”.

  “Click, I’m innocent,” protested Mainspring.

  “‘I’m innocent’ protests guilty first mate!” cried Twitter.

  “Tick, hush your beak, you stupid parrot!” Mainspring tried to swat the bird. “Tock, before I cut you down.”

  “Guilty first mate attacks beloved ship’s bird!” squawked Twitter.

  “Stop it, Twitter,” pleaded Pendle. “This is supposed to be a fair trial.”

  “A fair trial about what?” asked Loose-screw, who had only just woken up. “What’s going on?”

  “This is a trial to find out whether Mainspring took the treasure,” said Pendle.

  “Did he just say Mainspring took the treasure?” Blind Bob Bolt asked loudly. “It’s an outrage.”

  “No, no, no,” said Pendle. “This is a hearing.”

  “Yes, I am,” said Blind Bob Bolt.

  “You are what?” said Loose-screw.

  “Hard of hearing. My ears are all clogged up with oil and seaweed.”

  “Click, this isn’t a trial about your ears,” said Mainspring. “Tick, can we get on with it, please? Tock, we need to repair that hole in the ship!”

  Captain Clockheart cleared his throat and released a jet of steam. “First Mate Mainspring,” he cried. “Ever since we escaped from the king’s palace and set sail in search of a better life, you have tried to take control of this ship. Is that not so?”

  “Click, aye, but only because I knew I could do a better job of—”

  Captain Clockheart cut him off. “And is it not also true that yesterday you moaned about having to share our latest haul?”

  “Tick, aye, but—”

  “And because you were fed up of sharing, did you not decide to steal the gold?” Captain Clockheart brought his fist down.

  “Tock, no! Of course not—”

  “Admit it. You took the gold and now you must be punished. All hail the Steampunk Pirates!” Captain Clockheart raised his fist and the crew cheered. “I rest my case.”

  “Now Mainspring must defend himself,” said Pendle.

  Mainspring looked at the crew with weary eyes. “Click, I didn’t take the treasure. How could I have done? Tick, where would I put it? I’m on the same ship as you. Tock, now, can we please get back to finding out who really did take it?”

  “What’s he saying?” asked Blind Bob Bolt.

  “He asked us where he put the gold,” said Loose-screw.

  “How would we know? He’s the one who took it,” said Mr Pumps.

  “To be sure, he did,” said Tin-pot Paddy. “The captain just told us that. Wasn’t he listening?”

  “Maybe he’s got oil in his ears, too,” said Blind Bob Bolt.

  “Mainspring, can’t you defend yourself better than that?” asked Pendle. “What about saying where you were at the time of the theft? Or how you’d never steal from your shipmates? Anything. Please.”

  “Click, why should I? Tick, I didn’t do it. Tock, there’s nothing else to say.” Mainspring glared at the other pirates defiantly, his arms folded.

  “So what happens now?” asked Lexi.

  “The crew must decide,” said Pendle. “Is Mainspring guilty or—”

  The rest of the sentence was cut off by the crew’s jeers.

  “Aye!”

  “Guilty.”

  “Gold thief! Gold thief!”

  “You see?” said Captain Clockheart. “Now, Mr Mainspring, return
the treasure.”

  Mainspring sighed. “Click, I can’t return it. Tick, I didn’t take it. Tock, can’t you get that into your thick tin head?”

  “We’ll see who’s head is thick,” said Captain Clockheart. “It’s punishment time.”

  “Captain, this is a bad idea,” said Pendle.

  “No. Mainspring must be punished!” Captain Clockheart replied. “Not long ago we passed a small desert island. We’ll leave him there to think about what he’s done.”

  “Click, this is unfair. Tick, I’m innocent…”

  But the crew didn’t care about Mainspring’s protests. The trial had been conducted and he had been convicted. As far as they were concerned, First Mate Mainspring had taken the gold and now he would pay for his crime.

  The two high-ranking military men stood behind a large bush in the middle of Hyde Park in London. In front of them was a small dog.

  The Iron Duke took aim with his pistol. “You no-good snivelling scoundrel,” he said. “You thought you could get away from us! Well, you didn’t reckon on the superior intellect of the Iron Duke. Now, prepare to pay for your actions.”

  “Er, Duke,” whispered Admiral Fussington nervously. “We’re not actually supposed to shoot His Majesty’s pets.”

  The Iron Duke kept his gun aimed at the corgi. “Why ever not?” he said.

  “We’re only supposed to be cleaning up after their … er, their deposits.”

  The Iron Duke lowered his weapon reluctantly and the dog trotted away.

  “Now, shall I do the scooping, or do you want to?” Admiral Fussington held up a small trowel and a dustpan.

  “This is so embarrassing,” said the Iron Duke. “And it’s all your fault, Fussington.”

  “I’m not sure that’s entirely fair,” protested the admiral. “We are both responsible for the Steampunk Pirates escaping.” He bent down and scooped up the dog mess.